Maybe you and your partner keep circling the same unresolved issues — conversations that go nowhere and leave you both feeling unheard, angry and alone. Or maybe you've just discovered a betrayal — that the monogamous relationship you thought you were in wasn’t, and your partner has been living a double life. Suddenly, the person you thought you knew feels like a stranger.
Now, you feel scared because your vision of the future feels so uncertain and it may not happen. You might be asking yourself: Who is this person I thought I knew? Can we ever come back from this? Can trust be repaired?
Alice Walker
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”
Couples Therapy
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Whether you’re facing a one-off affair or a pattern of compulsive sexual behaviour, sessions with a therapist trained in working with partners of sexual compulsives can give you tools to heal your trauma. If you choose to work with me, I’ll support you to process the betrayal, restore your sense of safety, and decide what’s best for you — and your children, if you have them. Specifically, I will help you:
I won’t tell you whether to stay or leave — and no one else should either. My role is to support you, help you reconnect with your inner clarity, and guide you to make the decision that feels right for you.
I’ll be here when you’re ready.
- Understand the dynamics of sexual compulsivity and how it affects relationships
- Learn about attachment trauma
- Explore 12-step support programs specifically designed for partners of sexual compulsives
- Develop healthy coping strategies to manage triggers without reacting impulsively
- Set clear, self-respecting boundaries with your partner — without becoming the “parole officer”
- Establish boundaries with yourself, especially around behaviours that retraumatise (like obsessively checking devices or replaying details)
- Explore your own trauma history and how it may have shaped your patterns in this relationship
- Create a treatment plan that includes appropriate support for both you and your partner — ideally involving individual and couples’ therapy
- Prepare a formal disclosure with your partner and their therapist
- Find the right words and approach to talk to your children, in an age-appropriate and emotionally safe way
- Identify what you need to happen in order to stay in the relationship
- Identify your own personal and professional goals, regardless of whether the relationship continues
I won’t tell you whether to stay or leave — and no one else should either. My role is to support you, help you reconnect with your inner clarity, and guide you to make the decision that feels right for you.
I’ll be here when you’re ready.
Recovery Is Possible
You probably have conflicting feelings about staying in your relationship. You’re devastated by the betrayal, you’re not sure the marriage can be saved, and your friends are telling you should kick him (or her) out. On the other hand, you still love your partner. You love the life you’ve built together and you don’t want to break up your family. Maybe you’re also afraid of the financial implications, or the impact it will have on your children.
Finding out your partner has cheated is a traumatic experience — one that can shake you to your core and upend everything you thought was real. You might find yourself bouncing between shock, rage, deep sadness, and numbness, sometimes all in the same day. This kind of betrayal often triggers symptoms that closely resemble post-traumatic stress, such as:
You’re not going crazy. These responses are completely normal in the face of trauma. But when you’re in this heightened state, it’s incredibly difficult to think clearly — let alone make decisions about whether to stay or leave a relationship that’s now in crisis.
That’s why you need support — so you can make conscious, not reactive, decisions about what’s right for you, your wellbeing, and your future.
Finding out your partner has cheated is a traumatic experience — one that can shake you to your core and upend everything you thought was real. You might find yourself bouncing between shock, rage, deep sadness, and numbness, sometimes all in the same day. This kind of betrayal often triggers symptoms that closely resemble post-traumatic stress, such as:
- Struggling to sleep or waking with a racing mind
- Loss of appetite or trouble eating normally
- Constantly checking for more lies, messages, or signs of betrayal
- Second-guessing yourself and questioning what’s real
- Feeling on edge or overwhelmed by sudden waves of anxiety
- Unexpected emotional outbursts or mood swings
- Difficulty focusing on everyday tasks
- Unwanted memories or images that replay without warning
You’re not going crazy. These responses are completely normal in the face of trauma. But when you’re in this heightened state, it’s incredibly difficult to think clearly — let alone make decisions about whether to stay or leave a relationship that’s now in crisis.
That’s why you need support — so you can make conscious, not reactive, decisions about what’s right for you, your wellbeing, and your future.
Should You Stay Or Go?
You believed you were in a monogamous relationship. You trusted your partner — emotionally, physically, sexually. And now you’ve discovered that wasn’t the case.
Maybe they’ve been having affairs. Seeing sex workers. Engaging in cybersex or sexting strangers. Visiting strip clubs or massage parlours and hiding it from you. Maybe they were having sex with others while still having sex with you. Or maybe they rejected you sexually, leaving you feeling unwanted, while secretly seeking validation elsewhere.
You might feel shattered, disgusted, or numb. You may have had no idea. Or maybe you suspected something and were told you were overreacting — made to feel like you were the problem.
Now everything feels like a lie. You’re not just dealing with the sex — you’re dealing with the deception. The secrecy. The gaslighting. And the gut-punch of knowing the person you trusted most actively chose to betray you.
You might be asking yourself: Who is this person I thought I knew? How long has this been going on? What else are they hiding? Can I ever believe them again?
These questions are heavy, and they don’t come with easy answers. But therapy can give you space to process the trauma, understand what’s happened, and begin to decide — with support — whether repair is possible, or whether it’s time to walk away.
Maybe they’ve been having affairs. Seeing sex workers. Engaging in cybersex or sexting strangers. Visiting strip clubs or massage parlours and hiding it from you. Maybe they were having sex with others while still having sex with you. Or maybe they rejected you sexually, leaving you feeling unwanted, while secretly seeking validation elsewhere.
You might feel shattered, disgusted, or numb. You may have had no idea. Or maybe you suspected something and were told you were overreacting — made to feel like you were the problem.
Now everything feels like a lie. You’re not just dealing with the sex — you’re dealing with the deception. The secrecy. The gaslighting. And the gut-punch of knowing the person you trusted most actively chose to betray you.
You might be asking yourself: Who is this person I thought I knew? How long has this been going on? What else are they hiding? Can I ever believe them again?
These questions are heavy, and they don’t come with easy answers. But therapy can give you space to process the trauma, understand what’s happened, and begin to decide — with support — whether repair is possible, or whether it’s time to walk away.
Sexual Betrayal in Committed Relationships
Working with an attachment-informed couples therapist gives you the tools to regulate emotions and communicate in ways that invite understanding — not conflict. If we work together, I’ll help you and your partner:
While it’s not essential, many couples find it helpful to agree to pause conversations about separating for a set period. This gives you both space to focus on learning new skills, so whatever decision you make — to stay or part ways — is an informed decision.
- Identify your attachment styles and how they show up in your relationship
- Recognise and modify insecure attachment patterns
- Learn how to regulate your nervous system when you’re triggered
- Use clear, respectful communication — even during hard conversations
- Repair after conflict, instead of staying stuck in disconnection
While it’s not essential, many couples find it helpful to agree to pause conversations about separating for a set period. This gives you both space to focus on learning new skills, so whatever decision you make — to stay or part ways — is an informed decision.
Attachment Repair Is Possible — With the Right Support
Before conflict can be resolved, it needs to be understood. The way we learned to connect — or disconnect — in childhood often becomes the template for how we show up in our adult relationships.
Did you grow up with a parent who was distant, unpredictable, or emotionally unsafe? Was there a sibling who got all the attention, while you learned to go quiet or stay small? If you or your partner experienced insecure attachments early in life, there’s a good chance those patterns are playing out now — whether you realise it or not.
You might notice patterns like:
This kind of emotional tug-of-war can leave you feeling exhausted, anxious, and uncertain about what comes next.
While couples therapy can’t guarantee it will fix your relationship, it can show you how the past is playing out in the present — and give you practical strategies to resolve conflict, rebuild trust, and finally work as a team.
You need the right support, so you can repair the damage and feel close again.
Did you grow up with a parent who was distant, unpredictable, or emotionally unsafe? Was there a sibling who got all the attention, while you learned to go quiet or stay small? If you or your partner experienced insecure attachments early in life, there’s a good chance those patterns are playing out now — whether you realise it or not.
You might notice patterns like:
- Walking on eggshells, constantly bracing for the next conflict
- One partner clings while the other pulls away, both feeling misunderstood
- Holding onto resentment and replaying past hurts in your mind
- Feeling dismissed, unseen, or like your emotions don’t matter
- Conversations turn into courtroom battles where you’re both defending, not listening
- Emotions boil over into threats to leave, shut down, or give up
This kind of emotional tug-of-war can leave you feeling exhausted, anxious, and uncertain about what comes next.
While couples therapy can’t guarantee it will fix your relationship, it can show you how the past is playing out in the present — and give you practical strategies to resolve conflict, rebuild trust, and finally work as a team.
You need the right support, so you can repair the damage and feel close again.